Perfectionism

I never actually thought of myself as a much of a perfectionist until I read the paragraph in my last post. I knew I had little lots of things that I was particular about, but didn't realize how much it bled out into other areas of my life.

Interesting, isn't it? How we can be such perfectionists in some ways and not in others? I was thinking that of a couple of you who posted comments, that you have the same laid-back attitude that I have about a lot of things, and yet there is this thread of perfectionism that sometimes cripples, sometimes inspires us. I do agree with Candace, that it isn't always frustrating to strive for perfection, but sometimes it is the very hope we need to keep us going. But, the high of of a job very very very well done (dammit, that closet is CLEAN!) quickly fades when I walk out of the room and am confronted with the fact that the rest of my house is a mess. So, rather than aiming for perfection, and setting myself up for the disappointment when I continually don't reach it, I am aiming for balance. It is that ideal of the more peaceful and balanced life (not perfect, but at least much better) that is my motivation now.

The most crippling way that my perfectionism has taken form is leading me to believe that tasks take much longer to complete than they really do. That I can't just do the dishes really fast, because DOING THE DISHES is a CHORE that will TAKE TIME. Flylady.net says "you can do anything for 15 minutes" and this as sort of alternately inspired, and haunted, and pissed me off for the last few months.

The truth is most things don't even take 15 minutes. I have known this for a long time, shoved way down there underneath the procrastination, and have always balked at the thought of it. I remember distinctly my mom saying things like "We don't have to leave for baseball practice for 10 minutes. Quick: everyone pick up all your stuff lying around the house before we go!" Or her frantically doing dishes before she ran out the door to work. And it made me crazy. Take a chill pill, Mom, I remember thinking. But, I get it now. She had four kids--and a husband who traveled for work--so she was often on her own. It was survival. I feel like I'll be saying those four words a lot: I get it now.

Tonight I decided to put the 15 minute rule into practice. Running off about 3 hours of sleep, I really just wanted to sit down with my cup of tea and type, and go to bed. But, I said I would take just 15 minutes to clean the kitchen first. And just like that! The dishes are done, and the counters are wiped down. I had to force myself to not go anything else after the 15 minutes was up because I was suddenly motivated to go on a cleaning spree. "Balance", I told myself.

And now I am sitting here, blogging peacefully, and not feeling guilty about all the other things I should be doing. And how much more peacefully I will fall asleep knowing I did just what I set out to do. I think this could be addicting.

P.S. Thanks the words of encouragement, everyone! And I have followers! I feel so special!