Collecting Thoughts

I'll say it again: "Our perfectionism piggy-backed with procrastination puts
us in a coma. We don't know how to make a decision so it is just easier
to do nothing. Sometimes we just want someone to tell us where to start
and what to do." (flylady)

I have never read a sentence that describes me so very well.

I have been meaning for some time to start journaling. I bought a cute journal, some nice pens, and haven't gotten more than 5 thoughts down on paper. So instead, I've decided to start a blog, because the unfortunate truth is that I'm much more likely to type than to write. Oh, this digital age we live in.

Example #1 of my perfectionism: I couldn't post a single blog until I had my blog all laid out and formatted somewhat cutely. I spent hours trying to fumble my way through editing html enough to do what I wanted. I still could not quite do what I wanted, and have learned only a little about html thanks to trial-and-error and several late nights.

Meanwhile, my brain still collected thoughts and my counters collected clutter.

My mom and I were having a conversation tonight about clutter. Mental clutter, physical clutter, emotional clutter, etc. She is on this clutter-abolishing kick and I am wanting to jump on the bandwagon before my brain explodes. Literally, I feel as though if I don't get some things out of my head, and onto paper (or screen), my brain might explode. And if I don't get my house clean, my eyes might explode. And if I don't start accomplishing some of the things that are in my heart to do, my heart might explode. I cannot even explain the heaviness I have been feeling lately. It is unbearable. I am tired of all this, weighing me down.

So I am here, feeling as though this is my dawn, my morning, after the party of the life I have been living these last 8 years, and even though I might be waking up to a mess, it is a new day and that always has promise. It always takes longer to clean up a mess than make it, and usually not as much fun, but there is a thrill in conquering something, isn't there?

I need a more peaceful me, a balanced home for my family, a calm in my heart, a new energy in my steps, and some time to act on my inspirations.

Today I am making the choice to let go of some perfectionism and just do SOMETHING. I have an idea of where to start. And so, I begin.

"Right now it's morning, you're probably sleeping, I bet you're totally unaware of the flood of kisses you hold back by the way that you despair. It ain't me I'm talking about here, or anybody else you can touch. That's all I'm gonna say right now.... I don't wanna say too much." (waterdeep)